You Could Be An Indian If...

Someone asks you your stance on immigration, and you just laugh.

You use commodity can labels for your art collage project.

You get hit in the head with an old piece of fry bread you see bluebirds.(You are probably Navajo)

Your car starts with a screwdriver.

In your everyday life you unintentionally seem to be breaking taboos.

All the people in the community or town you live in are your cousins! (cousin-brother/cousin-sister)

You don't understand the purpose for storage lockers or their high rental costs. Why, the cars parked in your front yard store just as much stuff, plus it's free.

You're head automatically turns at the sound of "shhhhhhhht". (You are probably Navajo)

As a young child, learning your ABC's was hard because you wondered what the joke was every time you heard "A" (AAAYE).

You attend a General Custer memorial dinner, and you wear an Arrow shirt.

Someone at a picnic yells "Hey, you with the blanket, over here.", and you think it's an invitation for romance.

You're dancing to "Running Bear" at your local bar and it begins to rain.

You put a "Free Peltier" sticker on your truck, and the FBI wiretaps your house.

You get into a verbal fight with the waiter at your local Mexican restaurant over----Sopapilla, or is it Fry Bread?

Someone inadvertently points out directions with his lips and you know exactly where he is talking about.

You see a cute and chubby puppy and your lips begin to water. (Probably NOT a Comanche!)

During a night out on the town, you announce you're going home and then you drive over five hours to get there.

You have had a dog named Bear.

You are wearing your drum group jacket and some woman looks at your jacket and says "Is that a band?" and your first thought is, "Wait a minute, do I have my tribal/rez jacket on?" Then you realize what she is talking about and when you tell her, "No, it's a Native American drum", she just looks at you with this blank stare and says, "Oh..."

Your travel luggage is designer black Hefty Cinch Sacks!

You think that the Basic Food Groups are Spam, commod cheese, fry bread, and Pepsi.

Your dance outfit is in a suitcase held together by duct tape and pow-wow bumper stickers.

You drive over 25mph and the paint peels off your rez truck. You tell your friends that you are letting Mother Nature sand it for you before you get a paint job.

Your friend gives you a bike "for free" but you hafta pay him $20 for him to tell you where NOT to ride it.

You watch an old western with some friends, you are the only on that notices that the Indians in the movie are actually Italian!

A photographer is taking a family picture, and he says "CHEESE", everyone lines up.

Your relative gets a nice jacket that you wish you had so say, "Geez Hey, I REEEAAALLLY like that Jacket." (and he gives it to you)

Your car starts with a screwdriver, and a sticker that says "This is not an abandoned car."

You wake up after your 18th birthday with a wrecked truck, a hickey and bus ticket to Haskell .

You use pick-up lines such as, "Say, those are some slick wranglers you're. Perhaps I could talk you out of them!" or "Hey, didn't we go to different boarding schools together?"

You have a SCREWDRIVER (mixed drink) and no car to start up!

You should turn your head while all about you are turning theirs and blaming it on you.

You prepare a conference for the Navajos and Lakota to meet on policy issues and the main course for the banquet is sheep dog.

You tell an ignorant individual (dictionary definition) that you are Native American and he/she asks if you live in a tipi.

You walk down the hall of a big corporation and someone asks you if you could mop up the mess that they made. And of course you oblige and afterwards come into their office and hook up their network connection to the mainframe via a tcp/ip protocol over a fiber backbone.

You walk into a pub in Naperville, Il and strike up a conversation with a female patron and find yourself surrounded by individuals concerned for the safety of the female patron.

During the first day at your new public school you're waiting for circle and the rest of the class stands for the pledge of allegiance, and as you look around the room you're the only one who doesn't know the words.

Your new History teacher is talking about a completely different Columbus then the one your old Cultural teacher taught you about.

After your first look at pizza you say "Hey, who threw up on my FRY BREAD!"

You have to drive 20 miles to use your cellular phone and always keep it under the 60 free minutes per month.

All your heroes have always killed cowboys

At the bar some white girl sees your an Indian...introduces herself....and before she can say her great-grandmother was a Cherokee princess...you ask her if she's of Irish ancestry...then claim that your great great grandmother was an Irish princess.

You've ever 49'd, 69'd, then 86'd outta there.

Your car has almost as much personality as you do.

Your car's three best friends are Duct Tape, Baling Wire, and WD40 (or Liquid Wrench if you live near a Pep Boys)

Your bumper-stickers have mismatched ideologies (i.e. you have an "I Love Jesus" sticker next to your "I Brake For Orgasms" sticker).

You can get at least 1500 miles out of a spare donut tire.

You get a sense of nostalgia when you hear the song "Indian Car".

You like warm Shasta Pop with Cold Fry bread.

You read more in the bathroom than anywhere else.

The only thing holding your car together is the mud.

You see someone from home at the big city and they say they're"so glad to see you!", But when they see you at home, they try to ignore you.

You had a 3 family garage sale every other Saturday.

Your method of recruiting new native students for your Indian club is to grab students who look Native and ask them, "Do you like powwows?"

You like wearing the colors fuchsia, hot pink, black, purple, and turquoise.

Other girls ask you the question, "How'd you get your hair so long?"

You and your cousin got hitched with your elder's blessing.

You substitute your psychic talents for caller id to see who's calling on the phone.

The Indian comedian Charlie Hill makes you laugh while the white person sitting next to you gets up and leaves.

You went to see "Mortal Kombat 3" just because Litefoot's in it.

You could be a skinny Indian if at the local Indian bar you've referred to as bait or an appetizer by the healthier Indian woman.

You could be an fat Indian if you've often referred to yourself as "FLABBIO, the great Indian lover."

You could be an Indian at college if you refuse to date anyone who isn't an Indian and you haven't a date for months.

You could be an Indian, and probably a breed, if you could play cowboys and Indians all by yourself as a kid.

You are definitely not Indian if you ask, "Do you speak Native American?"

 

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