Misc Indian Humor

 

Genetic Engineering

Q: What do you get when you cross a Chickasaw, a Potawatomi, and a Paiute?
A: A chicken pot pai.

 

Ghosts

Q: How can you tell an Indian ghost from a white ghost?
A: A white ghost says "BOO!" An Indian ghost says "BOO!...aayyy"

 

Academic Buffaloes

Q: What does a mother buffalo say to a boy buffalo when she sends him off to college?
A: Bye-son

 

The Lone Ranger and Tonto

The Lone Ranger and Tonto are out riding. Suddenly the Lone Ranger stops and to his horror he sees Comanche warriors to the north, east, south, and west. Sensing that they were doomed, the Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, "Tonto, what are we going to do?" Tonto turned to the Lone Ranger and said, "What you mean we paleface?"

 

Running Turtle

Q: Why did the turtle cross the road?
A: Because he thought the shaman was going to make a rattle out of him.

Submitted by Janet Hill

 

Arapahoes and Shoshones

An Arapahoe man seen a Shoshone man standing by an outhouse, the Shoshone took off his watch and  was getting ready to throw it down the hole. The Arapahoe asked the Shoshone, "How come you're throwing your watch down there?" The Shoshone replied," I dropped my wallet down there, you don't think I'm going after just $2.00 do you?

 

Watch for Straight Dancers

Q: What is red and fuzzy and comes up between fancy dancers' toes?
A: Slow straight dancers.

Submitted by Bill Dobson

 

I Still Have No Idea What This Joke Means

This guy one time was traveling through a small town and needed a room for the night but all the motels had signs saying "White Only".  Hey got his white greasepaint out and painted his hands and face white and went in and got a room and asked for a 4am wake up call.  4am, the phone rings and wakes him up.  He goes in the bathroom to wash the paint off, it won't come off.  He pushes up his sleeves and his arms are white all the way up.  He takes off his shirt and he's white all over.   "Hmmmm", he says, "They woke up the wrong guy."

Submitted by Ernie Roberts

 

Indian Language

One day a cowboy was walking out of the general store when he saw and Indian across the street.  All of a sudden a woman walked by and the Indian held up his hand and said "chance".  Intrigued, the cowboy sat there and watched the Indian for a couple of hours, every time a woman would walk by the Indian would repeat this gesture and say "chance".  Finally his curiosity got the better of him and he walked over to the Indian and said, "I thought all of you Indians said HOW?" To this remark the Indian replied......"I know how, I want a CHANCE!!!!!!!"

Submitted by Troy Morley

 

Indian Language, Part Deux

Q: How do you say curtains in Coeur d'Alene?
A: Sheets

Submitted by Teresa

 

What Do You See?

An older Indian fellow decides to go out on the town and have just a few drinks.  While enjoying himself, in that local tavern which is the wide spot in the road, he meets a young, new age type of kid who is seeking traditional wisdom, who decides to tag along. Well, the evening goes pretty good, and the kid is not to much of a pain, so the older fellow invites him back to his camp.  They eat a little something and then go into the tipi and fall asleep.

Later that night the Indian fellow wakes up and his voice comes out of the darkness with, "Tell me, what do you see?"

This wakes the kid up.  The kid thinks hard for a moment and says, "Thousands of stars."

The Indian fellow says, "What does this mean to you?"

The kid replies, "Well, I guess it means tomorrow will be another clear and beautiful day in the Creator's Universe."

The Indian fellow says, "It means to me, that someone has stolen my tipi."

 

Indian Language, Part Trois

Q: What is the Indian word for Bingo?
A: Jermawin

Submitted by Shirley Holmes

 

Ice Fishing

Q: How do Indians know when it's safe to go ice fishing?
A When all the white guys quit falling through.

Submitted by Shirley Holmes

 

The Powwow is On

You know when it's pow-wow season when....you start seeing late model American cars, with no hub cabs, no grill, green drivers side door on a red car, pampers box visible on the rear window ledge, piece of paper taped to rear window indicating that car was just bought and bumper stickers that read Powered by Fry Bread.

 

Cowboys and Indians

There was an Indian guy eating at cafe in a redneck town. He overheard these three non-Indians who were sitting at the next table discussing where they wanted to go for their next rodeo. The first one said let's go to North Dakota, the other two said "No, there's too many Indians there". The next suggestions where Montana and Oklahoma, still the response was "No, too many Indians there." So this Indian guy finishes eating walks over to their table and tells them "Why don't you guys go to hell, there's no Indians there!"

 

Fruit of the Vine

Q: What's the new white wine?
A: We want a casino too!

 

Fruit of the Vine, Part Deux

Q: Have you heard of the new white wine?
A: I want to go spear fishing too!

 

Medical Alert

There is a new disease effecting Native Americans there is no cure and it has many side effects such as a cough, red eyes, soreness of arms and neck and fatigue it commonly known as " Casino Elbow "

 

The Indian Problem

Bill Clinton & Newt Gingrich decided to work together for a change, so they invited Coyote to Washington D.C. for a meeting. When Coyote got their, they said, "Coyote, we're glad you're here. We want you to help us with the Indian problem." "Sure," said Coyote. "What's your problem?"

 

Fishing

Two Chickasaws were in their boat fishing on a local lake. They were having OK luck when, all of a sudden, the winds came up, the waves started rolling, clouds came running in, and rain started pouring. Things got so ruff out there that they lost their motor and oar. Both of the Chicks were getting pretty concerned about how they were going to get outta there. One of them started doing some heavy duty praying to Creator, Mother Earth, Spirits, and just about anybody else he thought was listening. Things just got worse and they were really starting to get shook up. The Chick who had prayed all of a sudden had a brain burp and turned to his cuz and said: "Cuz, you work for the white guys at their church, don't you? You been around those guys when they prayed, hadn't ya? How about doin' a white guys prayer. Maybe that will get us out of here." Well, Cuz thought about it a split second and said: "O.K., but we gotta get real serious and get on our knees." Both got on their knees and Cuz instructed his partner on how to bow his head, clasp his hands together, and get the "right way". Then, when all was ready, in a deep, resonant voice, Cuz says "Fourteen under the B".

 

The Wise Elder

My mother and I were at the New York State Fair watching the dances in the Indian Village this summer. The stage, otherwise known as the Turtle Mound, was shaking as the dancers, in their brightly colored ribbon shirts and ankle bells did their stuff. The grounds were packed with Natives and Non-Natives alike. My mother and I were sitting at a picnic table with two elderly women, obviously of Non-Native decent. One woman said to the other, "Hey! I saw an Indian! He's right there with the yellow (ribbon) shirt!".-not noticing that she was surrounded by a bunch of Indian families in "regular clothes"!

 

Chippewa War Cry

Q: How does the Chippewa war cry go?
A: BINGO!!

 

Indian Blood

When a red brother didn't had his name to a penny, he went to the blood center to donate some blood, after they were done sucking out his blood, he head out the door when the clerk ask him if he is a full-blooded Indian. He answers, "yeah, I was, now I'm a pint low."

 

Rich Indians

Q: How can you tell a rich Indian from a poor Indian?
A: The rich Indian has two cars up on bricks.

 

Marriage

One day, this white man married and Indian woman and they moved out into the country. After their first year of marriage, they had a child. As more and more years passed, the more children were born. One day the white man was rocking on his chair on the porch, his Indian wife next to him. They both looked out at their children and saw that the first born son was different. He had light hair like his father and a light complexion. But what really set him apart was the obviously slow, dimwitted, and off his rocker. The two parents noticed that the first born child was strange. The rest of the children had dark hair and dark skin just like their mother. The white father was baffled by the difference. The two parents watched the younger kids run around the first born kid, making fun of him, throwing stuff at him, and all together, tormenting him. The first born would just laugh and be easily amused. The father looked at his Indian wife and said, " honey, my dear heart of all hearts, What is wrong with our boy?" The Indian wife just continued to watch the beautiful dark Indian children pick on the slow one. The white father said, "Oh, my honey, my dear, what is wrong with out first born child? Why of all the children we've had, is he the most different?" The Indian wife turned to him and said, "Honey, my husband, my heart of all hearts, he is the only child we've had together."

 

Grammar Lessons

Q: How do educated Indians teach their children the VOWEL sounds?
A: EEEE..I O U...AAAAYYYY

 

Aliens

Q: What are UFOs?
A: Unidentified Female Ojibways

 

Photography

Q: Why is it so hard to take a group picture of a bunch of Indians?
A: Cause when ya say cheese they all line up.

Submitted by Sandy

 

Disappointed Indians

Q; How do you make 100 Indians yell "Oh Shit" at the same time?
A: Say, "BINGO"

 

Similar Cultures

Q: What do the Eastern Shoshone and Northern Arapaho have in common?
A: Prairie and Dog.

 

Health Conscious Kiowas

Q: What do you call a Kiowa walking a dog?
A: Vegetarian

Submitted by Sigigi

 

Unidentifiable Wannabes

Q: Why do so few of the wannabe sites have pictures of the wannabes themselves?
A: Because Photoshop hasn't come out with an "Indianizer" tool yet!

Submitted by TC

 

Please Sign Your Name

Two elder women were waiting in line in a bank. The one spoke in Cree to the other and said, "I've never come here by myself before." The second elder said she spoke a little English so she would translate for her.

The two women were motioned forward and the two approached the teller.

"Madame do you have an account here?"

 The one translated and nodded to the teller.

The woman was asked to sign the back of the check and proceeded to put an x on the check. The bank teller asked if she had a co-signer. The second elder nodded and put an x beside the other woman's mark. The two looked at each other and smiled. "I didn't know we were related!"

Submitted by Jacqueline "Cloudy" Ballantyne

 

Grateful Ghosts

During a council, an old medicine man brought a ghost into the real world. The ghost was very happy, because his last visit was about hundred years ago. So, he offered to grant one wish to the first three people which will come through the door. As first, a Lakota chief came in and the ghost asked him for his wish. The Lakota man said: "Oh thank you! I wish to have a big herd of horses."

"Okay!", said the ghost, "When you come home you will find the herd behind your tipi."

Next, a Cree came in and he wished for a trail where the animals never end. "It's done," the ghost said, "When you come home, start going north from your house and you will find the trail."

Finally, a Mohawk came in. "You are a lucky man", the ghost said, "I will grant your biggest wish."'

 "I wish to be a woman", the Mohawk said. 

"Ooh! I may give you millions of dollars or anything else you desire! Do you really wish to be a woman?" asked the ghost.

And the Mohawk answered: "Yes! If I am a woman I will be the boss!"

Submitted by Jimi Wunderlich

 

NDN Women's Creation Story  

The creator made woman first. She was lonely, didn't have anyone to boss around or to take her to bingo, so she asked the Creator for a companion.  The Creator obliged her.  He cut off part of her butt and made man.  That is why NDN women have flat butts and NDN men are butt heads

Submitted by Lily Little Sun Harms

 

Good Kissers

Q: Why are guys from Taos such good kissers?
A: Because they get so much exercise with their lips pointing at stuff.

Submitted by Erin Mitchell

 

Where the White Man Went Wrong

An old Indian chief sat in his house on the reservation, smoking a
ceremonial pipe and eyeing two U.S. government officials sent to
interview him.

"Chief Two Eagles," asked one official, "You have observed the white
man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his material wealth.
You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done."
The chief nodded in agreement.
The official continued, "Considering all these events, in your
opinion, where did the white man go wrong?"

The chief stared at the government officials for over a minute and
then calmly replied, "When the white man found the land, Indians were
running it. No taxes, no debt, plenty of buffalo, plenty of beaver, women
did all the work, and the medicine man was free. The Indian man spent all day
hunting and fishing and all night having sex." Then the chief leaned
back and smiled, "Only the white man is dumb enough to think he could
improve on a system like that."

 

Interpret These Signs

Long, long ago an old Indian chief was about to die, so he called for Soaring Hawk and Falling Rocks, the two bravest warriors in his tribe. The chief instructed each to go out and seek buffalo skins. Whoever returned with the most skins would be chief.

About a month later Soaring Hawk came back with one hundred pelts, but Falling Rocks never returned. Even today as you drive throughout the West you can see signs saying: WATCH FOR FALLING ROCKS.

 

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